Someone is Drawing Smiley Faces Next to My Name on My School Sign-In Sheet
Well you read the title. Someone is drawing smiley faces next to my name on my school sign-in sheet. I don’t know who is doing it.
Every day when I come into school I go straight to the sign-in sheet. That is how I clock-in for work. It’s old-school, no pun intended, and I enjoy signing my name under the corresponding day. I love Thursdays especially, because I can see all four of my little signatures all in a row. Perfect attendance. Monday we’ll start fresh.
For whatever reason, on Tuesday morning this week, there was a little smiley face drawn in the lower righthand corner of my sign-in space. By the way, there are like seven people’s names per sheet, alphabetically ordered, and having a last name that begins with the letter “B”, my name is on the first page. The sign-in “sheet” is actually like six sheets stapled together, and teachers with last names that begin with letters at the end of the alphabet have to flip through the sheet to access their sign-in area. I have it easy. No flipping, first page, three seconds and I’m signed in. I feel like this information is relevant for some reason.
I’m just saying that it’s easy to be fucked with. If you’re on the first page. Someone could just scribble all over your name if they wanted to. I’m not hidden between pages, I’m right at the top, front and center— literally— everyone takes a look at my name whether they like it or not. That’s the burden we bear, as first-pagers, as early-in-the-alphabet-surnamed, we face the judgement of our peers each time they move our names aside to get to their own. It feels nice to be first. Us with “A”, “B”, “C” last names carry a unique responsibility. There is a pressure to perform, to be known. The reward is the safe feeling of knowing that we will not be left behind or forgotten.
I feel as though I am trying and failing to describe a very niche feeling lol.
I’m rambling at this point but really I am wondering who is drawing the smiley face. Oh, and the one from Tuesday morning is not the only one. It’s Thursday when I am writing this, I’m sitting in the teacher’s room right now, and when I signed in this morning there was a smiley face not only next to Tuesday, but Wednesday had been smiley-faced as well. Wednesday was a special treat, the dot above the “i” in “Caisa” had been turned into the left eye of the smiley face. How creative.
I think I’m realizing why the fact that my name is on the first page of the sheet is so relevant— I’m slightly embarrassed by the graffiti… The first smiley face was cute and a not-quite-pleasant-but-also-not-unpleasant surprise, but a second smiley face is overkill and I’m feeling as though my personal space is being encroached upon. My sign-in area is mine and I personally wouldn’t dare enter another person’s. So I have a slight feeling of being violated. It’s so out of my control. Every teacher, every day, will approach the sign-in sheet, see smiley faces all over Caisa’s name and area, and consequently they will think something about it. I don’t want to be noticed, I don’t want people thinking about me, I already am on the FIRST PAGE of the sign in sheet, I’m already at risk of being noticed, and now I have absolutely nowhere to hide.
Also, WHO is doing it?!
I don’t really have friends here, I’m acquainted mostly with the teachers who speak little bits of English, and other than that I keep to myself. I like the way that it is, I like the small conversations that I have with whoever wants to speak with me, I have other shit to do during the day and I’d be stressed out if I had a higher level of social interaction while I’m here. I’m very content. I realize that it sounds like I’m trying to convince myself of something.
I’m friends with the other assistant. We don’t interact outside of school of course, but we sit together and help each other and vent to each other. The thing is, I don’t think she is the kind of person who would start leaving smiley faces on the sign-in sheet. She doesn’t really give a fuck about anything, and isn’t the whimsical type.
I have one suspect in mind: the philosophy teacher. That is my only suspect. Here is why:
He appears to like me. When we pass each other in the hallway, his smile and his “Hola” seems genuine instead of obligatory. We have spoken maybe five times throughout the entirety of the school year thus far, but each time he has said something really nice. I’m trying to remember exactly how this one conversation went but he either was complimenting my smile, or saying that I’m always smiling, or that my smile made him smile, or something like that. It was in Spanish, which is definitely why I don’t remember it accurately or clearly. (To be honest with you, I probably didn’t fully understand the interaction).
He is the whimsical type. He is kind of weird, with long curly hair. Grey hair, by the way, he has got to be 40-something. And he is a philosophy teacher after all, this could be some kind of twisted social experiment. He just has an aura of “I’m not afraid to do or say something weird right now”. He gives “I’m deep and mysterious”. (To be honest with you, as a certified deep and mysterious person, he’s trying a little too hard).
Also the smiley faces just seem like they are drawn by a man. I don’t know how else to describe them but like, for example, I would never draw my smiley faces like that. But also I am sort of a smiley face connoisseur; the smiley face is an important symbol in my artwork and I’ve been experimenting with them for many years, perfecting their shape and understanding the fascinating intricacies within their simplicity.
That’s another reason why I’m perturbed by this. I really don’t want people thinking that I am the one who is drawing these faces all over my own name. Because I would never draw a smiley face like that. My smiley faces are beautiful and perfect. They wouldn’t sit so close to the margin of my sign in sheet. Their eyes wouldn’t be so close together. They wouldn’t be so predictable, so boring.
No offense. I understand, logically, that whoever is doing this is just trying to make me smile or chuckle or something. It’s an attempt at a positive reaction.
What this person fails to understand is that I’m very difficult to impress, and, in fact, I am a psycho bitch whose mental health balances extraordinarily and precariously upon a very intentionally built routine that happens to include signing my name onto a BLANK— keyword, BLANK— space every Monday through Thursday. This is a disruption and therefore an attack.
I won’t rest until the culprit is discovered and dealt with. And by “dealt with” I mean that I’ll say “Oh haha that is so funny, I was so confused hahaha, that really made me smile hahaha hehehe aren’t you just so silly!” And they’ll perceive us as closer friends but really I’m just keeping my enemies close.
I think I’m losing my mind.