Today My Earring Fell Out

Today my earring fell out. Actually no, that’s an exaggeration— I took my earring out for the first time in probably six years. But it’s because I was touching it, and these particular studs have a backing that is for sleeping, like the pointy part of the earring is covered by a smooth surface so that I can lay down without them poking me behind my ear. If that makes sense. I think they’re called “sleeping backs”.

The back of the earring felt sharp though, today. I was confused, it didn’t seem possible. But I took my earring out— it had felt loose for a few days actually— and examined the backing. There it was, a hole in the smooth surface of the backing. The pointy part of the earring had somehow punctured through it, or maybe that part of the earring back was just thin and had worn down over the years.

If this had just happened randomly I would have forgotten about it by now. The earring is back in my ear, the back is screwed on, it’s slightly fucked up but not in a way that will bother me, nothing more can be done about it except maybe get new earrings soon. I had a feeling of slight disappointment because these are very nice earrings, solid 14K gold and not cheap… But anyway it doesn’t seem random because last week my ring broke.

I was fiddling with my rings, as I do— I wear two, one on my right ring finger and one on my left middle— and the left middle ring simply snapped. It was gold-plated brass, not the sturdiest of rings and I had bent it and shaped it to perfectly fit around my finger without ever rotating. It was bent into the shape of a wave, I had purchased it with my friends at a farmer’s market in the Outer Banks. They had bought silver ones.

I was twisting it around my finger, unbending it slightly and then re-bending it into place, something that is so routine to me, and it snapped. I heard the tiniest little “click” as the brass just… broke.

I was in conversation with someone as it had happened so I didn’t give my full attention to the moment. But looking back I remember feeling it and hearing it break and I don’t remember who I was talking to. I folded and crumpled the stupid ring and put it in my backpack. It’s worthless now. Two sharp points that can’t be rejoined with a little wave in the middle, brass flecked with gold.

Is my life falling apart? Why is my jewelry disintegrating before my eyes? Yesterday I ate one meal and went to the bathroom one time and the rest of my waking hours were spent high and in bed, looking through my computer screen, listening to the sounds of television conversation and trying to think about something else. I didn’t even feel hungry.

The overwhelming feeling is tired. Broken. Needy, even. I feel pathetic.